How to Support Someone with a Chronic Illness
When a loved one catches a cold or flu, we generally understand what it’s like to feel ill and how to take care of them. The ability to relate to what someone is going through because you’ve experienced it yourself, and then to offer positive support, is called empathy.
However, how do you provide comfort and support to someone who has a long-term or chronic illness that you’ve never experienced? First, it’s important to listen attentively and believe what a person says about their struggles or pain. Many people feel isolated when others don’t believe something is wrong, especially when their illness is not visible.
Second, don’t assume you understand how someone with a chronic illness feels or offer advice - unless you’re absolutely sure you’ve shared their experience. Unfortunately, many people hear oversimplified or hurtful comments from those who are closest to them.
Remember, everyone’s stories, abilities and limitations are different, so be sure never to devalue what someone with a chronic illness is experiencing through your words or actions. For example, avoid statements such as “Just power through it,” “You need to exercise and eat healthier,” and “Everyone gets aches and pains.”
It’s also important to avoid toxic positivity. This can happen when you’re at a loss for words and revert to trite expressions such as “It could always be worse,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “You’ll be just fine.” While these comments are typically made with good intentions, they can actually make a person with a chronic illness feel even more isolated and misunderstood.
In light of this advice, what actions can you take to truly help someone who is coping with a chronic illness? An important first step is to conduct research about their condition, so you’ll have better knowledge next time you ask how they’re feeling. This is a thoughtful gesture which shows you really care, and which will help your friend or family member feel more supported and understood.
It’s also helpful to show interest and support along the journey, especially during difficult times. For example, you could attend a doctor appointment, prepare a meal, help clean the house or even donate to a charity in your loved one’s honor. These kind gestures often provide more comfort than words of support alone.
Often, people with a debilitating illness live with anxiety and depression, as well as physical limitations. Instead of encouraging them to push through the pain, it’s best to ask if there’s anything they need or if there’s something you can do to help. Sometimes, what a person needs most are rest and personal space. At other times, they may need help with the tasks of daily life such as doing laundry, grocery shopping and running errands.
Finally, and above all else, don’t give up on your loved one. It can be frustrating when someone constantly cancels plans or doesn’t respond to your calls, emails or text messages right away. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. The best support you can provide is your continued love and understanding.
Pacific Federal is a Zenith American company and subsidiary of Harbour Benefit Holdings, Inc.
